We are going to have a daughter.
I cried the whole way home from our ultrasound.
Allow me to clarify that these were not necessarily tears of sadness, or disappointment. If you’ve been following this blog, you all know that I knew I had it comin’.
But try to pretend you wouldn’t be a little scared at this thought:
Someday I will have a daughter in highschool.
Or how about this one:
At some point, our daughter will bring home a boyfriend. Or go on a date.
Imagine The Hubs and how he’ll handle these scenarios.
If I panicked at the thought of not knowing how to french braid hair, these other, much more important and intimidating scenarios are enough to keep this expecting momma up all night.
Another reason for the tears? I thought to myself:
Poor Zeb. He’ll be out-numbered. Will he feel left out? Even scarier, will I feel left out?
But that fear was quickly laid to rest. We found out Baby Dub is of the female variety on February 13. On February 14, I was sent two dozen red roses for Valentine’s Day, along with a solitary pink rose, and a card that read:
Happy Valentine’s Day, to my two ladies.
That’s right, Baby Dub is already getting flowers. She’s gonna be a heart-breaker, folks.
If you know my husband, you probably have an inkling of this already.
He’s going to be the most incredible daddy to a little girl.
It’s going to make you wanna throw up.
And seriously, I can’t wait for it. The Hubs with Baby Dub in her Baby Bjorn. Maybe the matching sunglasses and twin goatees are out at this point, but the rest of that imaginary scene is so darn cute I could cry.
And I probably will, because lately I’ve been a little quicker to the waterworks than normal.
Even with the “family dynamic” fear somewhat put aside, I’ve still got to address a few other fears… being called “Mommy” by a little girl seems like a lot harder of a job, for some reason. Now, I would love for real live moms to interject and prove me wrong. Boys in my mind seem “easy” – girls are “Complicated.”
Boys? Feed ’em and make sure they get to baseball practice on time, right?**
Navigating the treacherous waters of a girl’s emotional make-up, insecurities, etc? I am not a trained professional. I have no idea where to begin.
There are so many expectations on how you should look/act/dress/eat to “fit in”, superficial concerns perhaps, but I can’t fool myself into believing that environment won’t still exist when my daughter gets to her pre-teen and teen years (and to be fair, it exists for boys too).
Or far bigger still, how to teach her to overcome gender barriers where and if they exist, be an achiever without being seen as a ball-buster, have high expectations for herself that extend beyond social expectations… ah, I’m definitely getting ahead of myself here. My husband will not be pleased that I’m already worrying about our unborn daughter’s career options.
But bottom line, the biggest reason this whole “having a daughter” thing can sometimes freak me out… I am a girl.
Or a woman. 16, going on 17 and all that jazz.
I’ve been through the ringer that is highschool. And college. And woman-dome in general. I’ve experienced this true fact first hand:
Girls can be b****es.
As a parent, how do you prepare yourself for what your child might be subjected to by others? Worse yet, what if my daughter is one of these b-words mentioned above?
Nonsense, she will of course be sugar and spice and only things nice.
These are all concerns I’ve expressed rather openly and with varying degrees of high-pitched voice to The Hubs.
After a day to let the news set in, I started to feel much better.
First of all, I’m not doing this by myself. I am blessed to have a pretty awesome partner in crime who is going to be able to simplify/wade through all the garbage in my head (while also treating it with some validity), and together, we will raise a young lady who values herself, dreams big, and treats everybody with respect.
Second of all, there are some pretty incredible women in the world, including Baby Dub’s grandmas and aunties and surrogate aunties. Women are inherently blessed with qualities that set them apart from men, and I hope to bring the best of these qualities out in my daughter while encouraging her to bring out the best in others… even me. Because I can be a b-word, too. Not often, and hopefully not to you. If so, I blame the hormones.
Finally, gender aside, worrying about parenting issues does about thismuch good.
Which is to say, none at all.
A good friend of mine gave me a solid tip. She told me that parenting doesn’t happen allatonce. You get each hurdle and challenge pretty much one thing at a time.
You don’t have to sleep train and potty train at the same time.
You don’t have to deal with highschool drama AND building your daughter’s moral fiber at the same time (although how highschool drama is handled can help build moral fiber).
Baby Dub is going to be surrounded by so many great examples of strong and fabulous people (male and female), she won’t have a choice but to be awesome. And gender aside, that’s my most important goal as a parent:
To create a world with as few barriers to awesomeness as possible for our Future Human.
** Also feel free to tell me I’ve WAY oversimplified parenting in this summary. I suspect I may have.