Our second birthing class centered around the labor experience.
There were videos involved. With gratuitous nudity. The early 90s were a wild time evidently.
I’m about to give myself away as totally immature, but oh well. I giggled at several parts and whispered all through the 40 minute video.
Not at the nudity parts, either.
At the poor husbands they showed trying to help their wives cope with the pain of labor.
Those suckers do not have a clue.
One guy had his hands in his wife’s face doing a 5-4-3-2-1 countdown with his fingers. My friend L turned to her husband and informed him that if he got his fingers that close to her face, she’d bite them off.
Not that I know what is and isn’t going to be helpful during labor… but I have a feeling if The Hubs gets all up in my face while I’m trying to do some sort of guided meditation, I’m going to lose it.
The nudity was a bit much, but not giggle worthy. Is that really how it is in the delivery room? I realize I will lose any sense of modesty I currently possess once it comes time to knock this baby out, but am I going to just strip naked and go for it? Something tells me they let you wear a robe or a sheet or at least a bra, right?
One particularly sweaty nude woman was so out of it that when the doctor said, “Here’s your baby!” she replied “That doesn’t look like a baby.”
Lord, help me not say anything too ridiculous in the delivery room.
Then we took a tour of the “Baby Floor” (as I like to call it) of the hospital. There are four delivery rooms in the hospital we’re having Baby Dub in. As we looked around the room at all the other couples who are due around July 4, we started to get a little competitive. Because three of the delivery rooms have jacuzzi tubs and the fourth sounds like a real dump. I don’t want to get stuck in that fourth room, man. My friend L and I are going to tag teaming those jacuzzis if we go into labor at the same time and one of us is stuck in the fourth room.
I haven’t confirmed this with her yet.
The Hubs impressed me yet again with his thoughtful questions for the nurse and his general decorum during the video. I thought he might involuntarily gag at some of the… uh… gory parts. At one point he did turn to me and ask “Why do they have to leave that shot on the screen for so long?” but other than that, he was a champ.
1. Be sure to wear a bra to the delivery room
2. Bring gum and remind The Hubs before things get bad that he isn’t allowed to get in my face.
3. Learn to box out just in case we go into labor at the same time as 3+ other couples in our class.