On groping yourself in a room full of strangers

Today’s birthing class was all about breast feeding.

My poor, poor hubby.

We started class by watching a video, and there were boobs everywhere.

I know, boobs become functional instead of sexual once you have a baby. But that doesn’t keep us new moms-and-dads-to-be from just wanting to look at the ground awkwardly whenever they flash a booby on the screen. “This is private stuff. Not for my eyeballs.”

We passed around breast feeding paraphernalia galore. Hand breast pumps (Mommy’s new stress ball!), breast feeding bras, books about breast feeding (including one entitled “So that’s what they’re for!”), the list goes on. We all had to pick out a doll at the start of class to practice different breast feeding positions.

Practicing involves:

1. Positioning the baby/doll.
2. Making a “C” shape with the not-holding-the-baby/doll hand.
3. Squeezing your boob with the C hand. (Yes, in a room full of strangers)
4. Tickling the baby’s… er, doll’s… face with your nipple (I apologize for the X-rated language here… again, this was done in front of a bunch of strangers!).
5. Pulling the  baby/doll to your boob.

The things we do in the name of preparedness. I was not looking around the room to confirm this, but I’m pretty sure everybody was avoiding eye contact during practice time.

The good news?

Breastfeeding is economical (formula can cost upwards of $1000 a year), environment-friendly (I’m saving the earth! No formula trash! Fewer bottle feedings and washings and sanitizings!), and burns a zillion calories (our teacher said it can burn as much as an hour of riding a bike uphill… and you’re just sitting there… or as we learned in class today, laying there… YES).

Better yet?

Babies who breastfeed have better immunity and are less prone to allergies. They tend to be less picky eaters. They’re less likely to be hospitalized in their first year. The list goes on and on! I’m a “Lactivist”! Boobies for everybaby!

So yes, I will make my hand into a “C” and half-heartedly grope myself in a room full of strangers if it means I’m more prepared and more informed about breast-feeding Baby Dub when she arrives.

Plus, you only have to sit through that class once.

Just like you only have to go through labor once (per baby). So that’s a double win.

2 thoughts on “On groping yourself in a room full of strangers

  1. […] But the other two are “beard” and “groping yourself.” […]

  2. […] yesterday from a conference she’s attending on breastfeeding. I’ve long been a “lactivist” but this info put me over the […]

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