The last post breaks my heart

I hardly can bear to read the last post before Hudson.

Baby Dub did show, and she blessed us with three incredible days before passing away in our arms.

The 41st week was not my paid penance for an easy pregnancy. It was a special blessing, an extra week to spend with my baby 24/7. Moments with Hudson Ruth were so incredibly precious.

A complication-free, easy pregnancy, but we didn’t get to bring our baby home.

It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining in Walla Walla, and it’s been over two weeks since our daughter was born. Less than two weeks since she died.

How do we not have a baby right now?

It’s not fair, I can’t reason with it and I can’t justify it and I can’t change it.

Already my memory of the beautiful daughter we made is starting to fade. When I think of her face, it’s a memorization of a picture. Her precious face, that changed so much in the three days we had with her.

Being a mother is such a privilege. I was only blessed with three days with our baby girl, but they were the best. Days. Ever.

I will miss her every day.

As me and the Hubs grieve, I’m touched and saddened by how many people in our lives have also been affected by similar tragedy. The notes and the cards and the Facebook messages and the texts and the calls have all meant so much to us. Such good people have lost so much, and the world just isn’t a fair place.

I cannot bring my daughter back, but I can honor her by being the best mother I can be, by sharing her story, by encouraging others to cherish the gift of parenthood, by being an example of positive coping.

Our hearts are broken, but they are beating.

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