Being Thankful

There are days when it is harder to cling to the things that I’m grateful for. But it is what I must do to stay sane. I have lost the most important thing in my world, and yet I still have so much to be thankful for. If I wake up in the morning and focus as much of my energy on that, I have less energy to direct at my loss.

I am thankful for Hudson. What a beautiful, perfect little creation. What a special gift, what a privilege, being her Mom.

I am thankful for my husband, who is my best friend. What would I do without this man? I didn’t think it was possible to love anybody more than him until Hudson came along. And I also didn’t think it was possible to love him more, but seeing him be Hudson’s Dad made me fall harder and deeper in love with him.

I am thankful for my body. I am a fast healer, and I was fortunate to not be plagued with many of the maladies that befall women after giving birth. Perhaps excessive physical pain would have been a distraction from my grief. But I’m glad I was mobile and semi-comfortable for the three days I got to spend with Hudson, and I’m glad that I’m healing quickly and losing the baby weight and girth in a timely fashion… after all, I want to be pregnant again asap. Need to be in the best shape I can be for Baby Dub Dos.

I am thankful for my family.

My mom, who calls almost daily, who texts her love, who takes detours on already-long road trips just to give me a hug.

My sister, who drives to my house at 5:45am and goes for 3 mile slow jogs with me. My eleven-and-a-half minute miles must be agony to her speedy self, but she trots along beside me and deciphers my winded tirades.

My brother, who wrote such a sweet poem for Hudson’s memorial, that I need to post here. Who goes out of his way to make time for us, who is persistent and keeps the invites coming.

My dad, who talks on the phone with Grandpa Dub frequently. Whose bond with my little girl was so sweet to see.

And don’t get me started on the Dub side. Those are quality individuals through and through.

Hudson had it made in the Aunts and Uncles and Grandmas and Grandpas department.

So today I focus on what I am thankful for. I know that healing takes time, but on days when I can focus on the good things in my life, I feel like the road to recovery is shorter and less steep.

Like the runs I do when my sister isn’t there to motivate me.

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