Life’s too short

Hudson’s three beautiful and painfully brief days with us are a reminder of this truth: Life is too short.

You don’t have a guarantee of tomorrow.

Cherish the people who matter in your life.

Change the things you don’t like about your life.

Be the person you want to be, now.

Life is too short for anything else.

We lost our daughter. We got those three beautiful days, but in the end, her life was too short. And here we are, trudging onward. Looking forward with anticipation to the joy that life has in store for us in the future, but also saddled with a lifelong grief that will always tinge every happy, good thing.

Life will be more full because of Hudson, even with this huge gaping emptiness where she belongs.

It’s tragic and unfortunate that it often takes a loss like this for one to realize the truth:

Life is too short.

So I’m making changes now.

Life is too short to not tell the people you love the most how much they mean to you – so I’m telling them, with my words and with my actions and with my time.

Life is too short to not be the person you want to be – so I’m being me, I’m making the time for the things that feed my soul, and I’m making the choice to travel the paths I want to travel.

Life is too short. Be you. Be fulfilled. Be good to others. Be your best.

Hudson’s life was too short, and she’s missed every day in so many ways. Finding special and meaningful ways to memorialize her life has become a small obsession. It’s one of those weird things I will have to deal with in this life – finding a way to ensure that Hudson is a continuous part of our daily lives without putting her on a pedestal or making her future brothers and/or sisters feel like they have to “live up to” her. But I can’t pretend that her life didn’t happen, that she wasn’t born, that she didn’t change my entire world.

So in keeping with my “life’s too short” theme, I have decided that I can’t make everything about Hudson, even though everything in my life now is shaped by Hudson in some small way. I have to live for the living, and be good to (and for) the people who are in my life now.

She’s making me a better person – a better wife, better friend, better mommy – and she did all that in just three days.

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8 thoughts on “Life’s too short

  1. Jill says:

    I am constantly amazed at how eloquently you write about your beautiful, sweet daughter and your horrible, tragic loss. I hope there are hundreds of people reading your blog. You are a strong, inspiring voice. Sending lots of love.

    • Heather Nelson says:

      I agree 100% Erica, you are too beautiful in every way!

    • MommaDub says:

      Jill – thanks so much. At a certain point you run out of language to describe a loss – that excerpt from Flaubert’s Parrot comes back to me as I write this – and I also have found that I’m running out of words to describe our baby. “Precious” doesn’t do her justice. As one friend put it, “Hudson defined ‘precious’, and not the other way around.” Writing about her never seems to get old, but I do feel like I may be recycling thoughts and feelings, running out of words, exhausting anything original. I hope that the themes I keep coming back to are providing something of value – even if it is just for a handful of people.

  2. Kim Unterseher-Espinoza says:

    I can’t pretend that I didn’t just spend two hours reading the last couple months of your blog and I will not deny that I cried for you and your loss. Tears ran down my face as my toddler came up to me and asked me “wats wrong mama?” And I hugged him in a way I had not hugged him before. “too tight” and that is thanks to you and your words. I cannot imagine the heartache that you have felt and for that I am extremely sorry. I would also like to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me appreciate what I have. Please know that I will continually pray for you and your family and that you will continue to find peace and healing in the wake of this tragic loss. You are an inspiration to me. RIP sweet baby Hudson and may her story reach others in a way that it has touched our lives today.

    • MommaDub says:

      Kim – Thank you for your eloquent and touching comment. I truly do find so much comfort in knowing how much of a difference little Hudson’s life can make and is making, even if it ends up being a few too-tight hugs and a deeper appreciation for the people we are love in this life. Thank you also for your prayers. While we are so terribly heartbroken, we are also constantly aware of how blessed we are by the people who surround us.

  3. […] I’ve mentioned here before, finding meaningful ways to memorialize Hudson’s life has become a constant part of my day-to-day. Running in Hudson’s honor, the necklace I wear […]

  4. […] of love. It made me realize how full life is and also how terribly empty. She made me realize that life is too short to take a single second for […]

  5. […] And it all has me contemplating, as I often do, the passing of time. […]

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