Our three month old baby girl

Hudson would be three months old today! Oh my goodness, she would have been face-squishingly cute.

I was pregnant at the same time as a good friend of mine. She had her baby boy the day after we had Hudson. Same doctor and everything. While I haven’t been able to see much of her or her baby since Hudson died, on my better days I do have to admit to a little bit of Facebook stalking to see how big the little guy is getting, what tricks he’s doing.

We should have a three month old. We’d have a routine by now. We’d have gotten the hang of newborn management. We’d be pro at the “Five S’s”.

But instead, we’re in another place.

We have a different kind of routine, but it is a routine all the same. I take my temperature every morning, and my husband knows to watch for signs of incoming tear bombs and changes the channel when a commercial or movie has particularly touchy subject  matter.

We’ve gotten the hang of anger management.

We’re pros at the Five Stages of Grief… or at least we’ve been through them all. A few times.

When I was in the hospital after Hudson, I had to be given the MMR Vaccine. The nurse gives me the shot and then hands me a piece of paper to sign, and the nurse says “Basically just don’t get pregnant for three months.”


Get this shot out of me.

I’m probably not at risk for MMR any time soon, but I DO want to get pregnant immediately. Is an MMR vaccine like snake venom? Can I just suck it right out?

Get this shot out of me!

Well, we’re now in the “safe zone” – at least for that MMR vaccine business. The medical community doesn’t really present a hard and fast number for the waiting period between pregnancies. I’ve seen everything from two cycles to two years. But if we were to get pregnant now, Baby Dub Dos would be due almost exactly a year from when we had Hudson. Going back to my Mom’s “one year to properly grieve” theory, will July 11 of 2013 be any easier if we have a baby by then?

Will having a one-week old numb the pain of not having a one-year old?

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I’ll just be missing my three month old like crazy.


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