It’s 4:33 am and I’m wide awake.
Exactly one year ago I peed on two different kinds of home pregnancy tests over the course of a lazy Sunday at home and discovered that we were going to have a baby.
Oddly enough, its a huge day in 2012, too. Election day. And I can’t go back to sleep.
It’s a heavy feeling. Like heartsickness and anxiety rolled in to one. Missing somebody and also needing to throw up. Parched lips and headache.
As each of these milestones slip by, I need to remind myself that things are getting better, that we’re getting closer to “go time”, that we have made it so far. We made it through all of August, and all of September, and all of October, without our baby. But today’s the one year anniversary of the first day that my entire world changed, and I plain and simple miss Hudson.
I’ll miss her every day, but on days like today it’s a lump in my throat, a pain in my chest, a gut bomb.
It really feels like my heart is broken today.
Now go out and vote.