A visit from Santa

Last night, my dear friend L (who was pregnant at the same time as me and had her son the day after Hudson was born) and her hubby C stopped by with some Christmas treats. And guess who they brought with them? Their little five-month old baby boy, all dressed up in his Santa suit.

What a sweet, mellow, chunky-in-all-the-right-places little man. I got to hold him for the first time, and only briefly did the thought cross my mind: “This is how old Hudson would be.” He was very fascinated with my sweet Hudson memento necklace, the one with the ceramic heart that also can be a bracelet. He got it in a baby vice grip a few times, and I was impressed with his grabbing/choking me skills.

The Hubs held him too, for the majority of the visit actually. The little guy was super intrigued by Jungle (aka the Hudson Ruth Walter Memorial Beard), again with the baby vice grip but this time on hair that is attached to skin. I swear my husband is like the Baby Whisperer. He patiently held the little beard grabber in various strategic positions that made the beard less grab-able.

Side Note: I love to watch my husband with babies.

We caught up with these friends who we haven’t seen in ages, people with whom we were supposed to be embarking on this parenting journey at the same time, people we shared birthing class embarrassment with, even went to the same doctor. And you know what? I enjoyed it thoroughly. For whatever reason, it feels like more progress, more healing. That we got to love all up on their little baby boy, this little guy who would/should be one of Hudson’s favorite playmates, and that at no point did I feel on the verge of tears or even really preoccupied with the comparison to Hudson… well, that seems like a good step. That we got to listen to these friends share their parenting journey a little bit without even a tinge of envy… that seems like a good step, too.

I am so thankful for the wonderful people who are in our lives. And I’m so thankful that good people are parents. For this holiday season, we are parents without our child, and that is truly heartbreaking. But I really believe that next year, it will be our baby in the Santa suit, “ho-ho-hoeing” around with plates of delicious treats.

That’s all I want for Christmas.

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