Father’s Day – Acknowledged

It’s a few days past Father’s Day, but I have had some things on my heart for the past several days related to Fatherhood, so I will keep it brief as well as belated.

Seeing my husband become a father was one of the most unsettling things I’ve experienced in my 30 years (THIRTY I tell you!). Here you think you know somebody. You think you love somebody as much as you possibly can.

And then you see your husband fall in love with your baby girl and life, love, everything just gets better.

The Hubs and I have experienced a range of emotions in the eleven months since Hudson was born and since Hudson died, many of which we never want to experience again… but one thing I know we both want to experience again is that parenthood love. It’s worth it, people. Maybe I would never have had my heart broken, but I wouldn’t trade those 3 days with Hudson for a lifetime without her ever existing, because without Hudson I would never have met the ‘Daddy Hubs’ that I’m in love with today.

He’s the best.

There is this struggle as a parent of a dead baby, this yucky state of being that you are in without your baby still alive to parent. You don’t know how to answer questions about how many kids you have. You don’t know, no matter how many times people assure you otherwise, whether you still count as a Mom, as a Dad. You don’t know if you really want Mother’s Day, Father’s Day acknowledged.

But I’ll tell you one thing. My husband is, was, and will be the best Dad ever. And I’ll fall in love with him all over again when Baby Dub Dos is born.

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4 thoughts on “Father’s Day – Acknowledged

  1. Gma Dub says:

    Those 3 days are so precious to all of us. It is also awesome to see how it has drawn the two of you even closer together. We love you!

  2. My husband and I never got anymore than just 34 minutes “with” our boy (does it really count when you can’t even hardly touch them for the emergency personnel?), but those 34 minutes were the world.

    We also struggle daily with the “are we really parents?” question. So many people tell us that we are, but how when we aren’t actively parenting? I used to think that I was NOT a mom because I didn’t have a child to raise, but then a friend (who’d had a horrible home life growing up, her mother hated her) said to me that I AM a mother because of the *love* I held for my son. Because having a child does not make you a mother — but LOVING that child does. And it surpasses the fact that they are gone.

    I like that. 🙂

  3. […] grateful I am that we knew we were pregnant prior to Father’s Day 2013. Remember how the Hubs didn’t want Father’s Day to even be acknowledged last year? Ugh. My heart aches thinking back to those incredibly hard 11 months between the loss of […]

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