A year ago today was Hudson’s due date. I wandered around with the Hubs at the park, enjoyed a little pool time and a salsa cook off with my family, even played some golf in an attempt to swing her out. Our little firecracker was stayin’ put, however. She stuck with Momma for an extra week.
Flash forward to 2013: It’s a beautiful 4th of July in Walla Walla. Like I did a year ago, I played some golf today… this time in a tournament scramble, which we placed 7th in. Instead of being surrounded by anxious, eager and impatient family members, I’m mostly just hanging out with the Hubs and the dogs. I’m trying to stay cool instead of trying to sweat out a 7+ pound baby.
A salsa cook-off does sound pretty nice though.
I haven’t got much profound to say about today. I miss our baby, and I wish we had a chunky cooing almost-one-year-old to play in the sprinklers with today, to try to put down for the night amidst the popping and crackling of fireworks, to attempt to keep away from the sugary treats that make up classic BBQ/picnic dessert fare.
We rarely get what we wish for in this life. We sometimes have to struggle just to be grateful for the many things that we do have. And we have much.
I have much.
Good, thoughtful friends.
Amazing, caring family.
Loving, energetic puppies.
A job I care about.
A home I can be proud of.
I am hopeful. I am loved. I am free.
I have always been Hudson’s mommy. Before I knew her, while she was with us, for a lifetime without her and for Eternity with her.
I wanted her desperately a year ago, and I want her desperately today. And maybe like I did a year ago, I’ll wrap up in my tee shirt quilt tonight, sit out on the balcony and cry as I watch the fireworks.
Or maybe I won’t. I’m free to choose.