Monthly Archives: October 2013

Explosive News

I have to apologize for the prolonged silence. I forgot that prolonged silence has a precedent set on this blog and that it isn’t a good one.

All is well.

All is wonderful.

The ultrasound was wonderful – well worth the anticipation.

For the longest time, before we were pregnant with the Bullet, I was convinced that I didn’t want to find out the gender this time around. I was worried that I’d be overly emotional if it were a girl and disappointed if it were a boy.

Then, we were pregnant with the Bullet, and I already knew it was a boy, so shoot, I might as well find out for sure so we could start planning.

But these days, it’s all about the surprise gender reveals. The colorful cakes. The box of balloons and confetti. I even have friends who went to the ultrasound with two pairs of shoes – a boy pair and a girl pair – and had the ultrasound tech put the proper gender shoes in a bag for them. Then they went out to the place they first met and videoed the opening of the bag.

The Bullet deserved some kind of epic gender reveal, it was determined.

So we didn’t find out the gender in the ultrasound. We wanted to find out with the rest of our friends and family, inĀ  true celebratory style.

The ultrasound tech of course had to turn the screen right off, because baby’s legs were WIDE OPEN. She did a great job not giving any clues or indications, despite some leading questions from me. “That looks like a masculine profile, right?” “Those are some awfully big muscles.” And so on and so forth.

All of baby’s parts are there, and baby is healthy and strong and right on track for growth. Baby is active and a bit of a peek-a-boo player, with hands up in the defensive position from time to time. We got a perfect profile picture, plus another one that looks like Ghostrider (and is eerily similar to one from Hudson’s first ultrasound), a whole handful of take-home gifts to show off later that night and tide us over until the big reveal the next day.

Our baby was conceived in a trailer park. The nickname is “The Bullet”. We announced our pregnancy with bottles of beer. So it was only fitting that we’d find out the gender with a shooting competition out at the Dub Family Farm.

That’s right. A shooting competition.


My super SIL helped with some of the decor ideas!

My super SIL helped with some of the decor ideas!

Boy and Girl votes

Boy and Girl votes

More gambling - who will hit the target, how many shots it will take...

More gambling – who will hit the target, how many shots it will take…

Grandpa Dub set up the target and was the keeper of The Secret

Grandpa Dub set up the target and was the keeper of The Secret

Because I'm classy like that.

Because I’m classy like that.

Lining up the shot - I got to go first.

Lining up the shot – I got to go first.

One shot. One kill.

One shot. One kill.

Called it.

Called it.


Me & the Hubs taking it in.

Me & the Hubs taking it in.

A couple of badasses. Plus one on the way.

A couple of badasses. Plus one on the way.

Grandma Shiz is too crafty. And a little too graphic. "Shoot out" ? Eww...

Grandma Shiz is too crafty. And a little too graphic. “Shoot out” ? Eww…












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The ultrasound anticipation

Why did I have a dream the night before last about carrying around a bag full of kittens?

How come last night my dreams featured the Hubs and me chasing down a creeper who abducted a little boy on the golf course?

You might say this is due to the ultra vivid dreams that plague the pregnant folk. But I am tempted to believe it is because I’m in full “protect my baby” mode and full of anticipation for the 20 week ultrasound we have scheduled for 3 pm today.

I remember what this is like.

IMG_0882That’s me and the hubs at our 20 week ultrasound with Hudson… well, right before it.

I imagine that the blog will feature a similar picture come tomorrow’s post.

What am I hoping for?

Healthy. Human. Baby.

I used to think that I’d be disappointed if this baby wasn’t a girl. Today, I could care less (and also, I’m sure it’s a boy). I used to think that every milestone would be met with measured enthusiasm. Today, I’m so excited I can’t go back to sleep like I usually would after sending my hubby off to work with 3 hours before I have to be anywhere!

Last night Bullet was particularly active, giving me some hearty kicks and even showing off once for Daddy. Like he knew that we needed a little extra movement the night before a big appointment. Thanks, Bullet.

A good friend of mine is pregnant with a baby girl, and after she gave me the big news she added “Baby straight up gave us a thumbs up on the ultrasound screen. She knew I needed that!” Other friends recently posted a picture of their daughter’s ultrasound and I’m not joking, that girl is throwing up some “Rock on” horns! Last night, Hubs and I were joking about the Bullet giving me double barrels with his six-shooters.

Now THAT would be an ultrasound picture worth sharing here.

This is a wild journey, but MAN is it fun! I am so excited for 3 o’clock today. I’m so in love with this genderless (but it’s a boy) little banana-sized being that we created. I know, I’m gross. And while our anticipation will have to continue for about 24 more hours as we wait to get the gender news along with the rest of the Dub and Shiz clan, the thought of seeing my baby on that ultrasound screen today has me pretty stoked.

Come on, Bullet. Give us the six-shooters.

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I’ve been here before – Halfway Point

Today, we are 20 weeks pregnant.

And that’s halfway, people. It’s all downhill from here, right?

Now, I realize that the first four weeks or so, you don’t really know that you’re pregnant, so the last “half” of this pregnancy will probably feel much longer than the first. But I don’t care. This is a huge milestone and I’m pumped that we made it this far.

I’ve talked about halfway points before… both while pregnant with Hudson and while waiting to get pregnant with Bullet. I can’t get that Nike Running computerized voice out of my head – “Halfway point!” – and it’s been going through my mind all morning. I’m ready to sprint to the finish line but trying to remind myself to enjoy the route, to look around, to savor every month, every week, every day of this pregnancy.

A lot of things are different this time around, and many are the same. I am so fortunate to have relatively easy pregnancies… the worst maladies that a pregnant woman can complain of seem to skip over me entirely. I’ve been able to dodge many of the emotional pitfalls (knock on wood) that could snag a woman going through pregnancy after a loss. I’m still itchy, I’m still overly tired, I’m still prone to tears over a music video or an Oklahoma news clip.

But I’m more, too. I’m more conscious of the life I want to create for our family. I’m more forgiving of the neglectful parent, I’m more capable of smiling around pregnant women or new babies, I’m more patient with the passing of time. I’m more aware of my love for this half-grown little human, who was formed in love and wanted so very much.

There’s no “It’s all downhill from here” in the grieving process… our love for the daughter we lost will always be, and her absence will always hurt, on some days more than on others. But on this day in October, with half of Bullet’s Womb Time behind us and the best of things to look forward to, I have a milestone to celebrate and no problem with celebrating it.

Halfway point. 20. Weeks. Completed.

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