I’ve been here before – Halfway Point

Today, we are 20 weeks pregnant.

And that’s halfway, people. It’s all downhill from here, right?

Now, I realize that the first four weeks or so, you don’t really know that you’re pregnant, so the last “half” of this pregnancy will probably feel much longer than the first. But I don’t care. This is a huge milestone and I’m pumped that we made it this far.

I’ve talked about halfway points before… both while pregnant with Hudson and while waiting to get pregnant with Bullet. I can’t get that Nike Running computerized voice out of my head – “Halfway point!” – and it’s been going through my mind all morning. I’m ready to sprint to the finish line but trying to remind myself to enjoy the route, to look around, to savor every month, every week, every day of this pregnancy.

A lot of things are different this time around, and many are the same. I am so fortunate to have relatively easy pregnancies… the worst maladies that a pregnant woman can complain of seem to skip over me entirely. I’ve been able to dodge many of the emotional pitfalls (knock on wood) that could snag a woman going through pregnancy after a loss. I’m still itchy, I’m still overly tired, I’m still prone to tears over a music video or an Oklahoma news clip.

But I’m more, too. I’m more conscious of the life I want to create for our family. I’m more forgiving of the neglectful parent, I’m more capable of smiling around pregnant women or new babies, I’m more patient with the passing of time. I’m more aware of my love for this half-grown little human, who was formed in love and wanted so very much.

There’s no “It’s all downhill from here” in the grieving process… our love for the daughter we lost will always be, and her absence will always hurt, on some days more than on others. But on this day in October, with half of Bullet’s Womb Time behind us and the best of things to look forward to, I have a milestone to celebrate and no problem with celebrating it.

Halfway point. 20. Weeks. Completed.

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One thought on “I’ve been here before – Halfway Point

  1. Sarah says:

    It IS an accomplishment! And more so for you, that you’re able to take a breath and enjoy it. We remembered feisty sweet Hudson tonight when we lit our Remembrance candle!

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