It’s the 2-year anniversary of the worst day of my life

On Hudson’s birthday, we celebrate. Today, I do my best to ignore the date, not to think about the early hours of July 14, 2012. The day my heart broke. My record-setting tears day. The day we went home without our baby.

There were several other Worst-Days that followed, but July 14 was the day that our daughter’s heart stopped beating. We’ve spent every day since missing Hudson, wishing that there were some time machine that could take us back to the early hours of July 11 and change everything.

Hudson changed everything for us, and in so many good ways that I chose to focus on instead of the few wrecked ways that I never could control.

So on the 2-year anniversary of the worst day of my life, I’m going to stay busy. I’m going to enjoy my son, my precious Day-Maker who changed everything AGAIN when he arrived on the scene. I’m going to appreciate my wonderful family and my amazing husband.

And I’m going to ignore the date.

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6 thoughts on “It’s the 2-year anniversary of the worst day of my life

  1. Kelly Kessler says:

    Love to you and your little family and love to Hudson. It never gets easier in your heart, but every year it gets softer. Kelly

  2. czappia1 says:

    Erica- I only know you through brief encounters when I went to Walla Walla University for two years but I have followed your story and your blog for a while now. My husband and I lost our first born son as well. Jordan passed away in his sleep at the age of 16 months to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC). Dates are hard. We are coming up on three years since Jordan passed on August 14th.

    We too have come to the date and tried to keep busy with some type of home project. For us we don’t usually talk about it and just try to ignore the date but sometimes it is hard when friends and family bring it up and say things like “This week is going to be tough for you” or “Just wanted to call and see how you are doing on this tough day.” All well-meaning comments but can be so frustrating when we are just trying to cope by staying under the radar.

    Now that we have our 2nd son Jayden, we also like to just spend time as family and play which as you know is very bittersweet.

    I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and admire your willingness to be share your journey with others. It has been a blessing to me and I know it is a blessing to others.

    • MommaDub says:

      Sorry it has taken so long to respond. I will be thinking of you and your family as August rolls around… But I won’t bring it up unless you do. Thank God there isn’t a right or wrong way to get through this life without our babies- we just keep living.

  3. maribeth says:

    I found your blog through glow in the woods when I was recovering from my own loss…I am praying for you today. Thank you for sharing your joy through your tears. Go hug that amazingly adorable little new dude!

  4. Sarah says:

    I’ve been unable to comment, but have been reading and thinking of you and your sweet family. I so wish it was complete with Hudson in your arms. I’m so glad you have sweet Anson there now. They are both so very precious.

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