If there’s one day of the year when I should write, it’s today.
This is the day we looked forward to with so much anticipation back in 2012: Hudson’s Due Date.
On this day, two years ago, I watched fireworks and cried as I realized that I would not be getting my 4th of July baby. Our little firework showed up a week later and filled three days with so much.
The arrival of Summer 2013 was difficult. Summer belonged to Hudson. Warm weather, beautiful sunrises, gardening, golfing and spending time in the sunshine made me wistful for our sweet girl. And even as summer began in earnest and we KNEW the Bullet was on his way, I spent the month of July with a lump in my throat and the Missing-My-Girl just a bit heavier on my heart.
My mom told me once that you can’t truly begin to get over a loss until you’ve gone through a full year, because you need to experience all the holidays and milestones without that person. Making our situation even more difficult: That year full of Firsts-Wthout should have been a year full of Firsts-With our baby.
And today was Anson’s first 4th of July.
Every once in a while I will pick up my baby and realize he’s mine. I’m not sure if that makes sense to anybody else. In the Year of Firsts-Without, I remember comforting myself from time to time by imagining our future children and how wonderful our life would be together.
We are living that life now, in the Year of Firsts-With-Anson, and it’s better than I could have imagined.
As a parent, you hear this a lot: “Enjoy this phase, it goes so fast!”
Anson’s first four months have gone by awfully fast. It’s unbelievable how slowly the last half of a pregnancy can drag on, and how quickly that same amount of time can fly with an infant.
Another thing you hear fairly frequently from parents who’ve been there, done that: “Every stage is better than the last one.”
This, I can also vouch for. Every single day is better than the last one. I can’t explain it, but it’s awesome. Anson changes so much from day to day. I swear I went to get him one morning and he LOOKED OLDER. This morning, I tried to sit Anson up on his own and he went timber the second I took my hand away. By the afternoon, he could balance himself sitting up for a couple of seconds!
Though I miss Hudson every single day, today, I’m so grateful for the Firsts I get to experience with Anson.
On Anson’s first 4th of July:
Like a true American, he puked on himself before noon.
He had a yelling match with his cousin C.
We learned that he is un-phased by the erratic POP and BANG of fireworks.
And there was this: