Tag Archives: Father’s Day

Let’s pretend it’s actually June 13

Making the time to write has been challenging for me, but I’ll spare you the excuses  and just leave it at this: I have a four month old.

And it’s the best.

June 13 marked Anson’s 4 month birthday (yes, we celebrate month birthdays around here). It also marked the one year mark (exactly) since we found out we were pregnant with the Bullet. It also kicked off Father’s Day weekend.

I found myself thinking (amidst the whirlwind that was that weekend) how very grateful I am that we knew we were pregnant prior to Father’s Day 2013. Remember how the Hubs didn’t want Father’s Day to even be acknowledged last year? Ugh. My heart aches thinking back to those incredibly hard 11 months between the loss of Hudson and the hope of Bullet.

How did we even function?

Our days are filled with so much joy because of Anson. He’s truly a blessing, the love of my life, the never-fails-to-put-my-life-in-proper-perspective little dude who puts more huge smiles on my face than I ever thought possible. Before Hudson, we didn’t know our lives were so empty. With Anson, we get to experience daily what our short time with Hudson gave us a just a beautiful glimmer of.

And he’s an awesome baby. All boy, with delicious rolls of chunk on his thighs and forearms. Yes, his forearms. Kissable cheeks, enviable eyelashes, the definition of Baby Blues. He smiles when he’s smiled at. He flirts. His laugh, while hard-earned, will send me and the Hubs into fits of giggles that result in more laughter from Anson… the highlight of any day. As his personality emerges more daily, I discover how much he truly is like me and like the Hubs – a bit of a showoff, likes the sound of his own voice, enjoys entertaining a crowd and can’t help but check himself out if there’s a mirror present.

My baby makes people who are done having babies want to have more babies.

My baby also makes me a big fat braggart.

Joy: synonym for parenthood.

And without further ado (and to spare you anymore of my incessant bragging), pictures.

Anson's skeptical face

Anson’s skeptical face

These days it is hard to keep his fist out of his mouth...

These days it is hard to keep his fist out of his mouth…

Handsome Anson

Handsome Anson

Yea. He sucks his thumb.

Yea. He sucks his thumb.

Or... his entire first.

Or… his entire first.

Money shot. That face!!

Money shot. That face!!


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Father’s Day – Acknowledged

It’s a few days past Father’s Day, but I have had some things on my heart for the past several days related to Fatherhood, so I will keep it brief as well as belated.

Seeing my husband become a father was one of the most unsettling things I’ve experienced in my 30 years (THIRTY I tell you!). Here you think you know somebody. You think you love somebody as much as you possibly can.

And then you see your husband fall in love with your baby girl and life, love, everything just gets better.

The Hubs and I have experienced a range of emotions in the eleven months since Hudson was born and since Hudson died, many of which we never want to experience again… but one thing I know we both want to experience again is that parenthood love. It’s worth it, people. Maybe I would never have had my heart broken, but I wouldn’t trade those 3 days with Hudson for a lifetime without her ever existing, because without Hudson I would never have met the ‘Daddy Hubs’ that I’m in love with today.

He’s the best.

There is this struggle as a parent of a dead baby, this yucky state of being that you are in without your baby still alive to parent. You don’t know how to answer questions about how many kids you have. You don’t know, no matter how many times people assure you otherwise, whether you still count as a Mom, as a Dad. You don’t know if you really want Mother’s Day, Father’s Day acknowledged.

But I’ll tell you one thing. My husband is, was, and will be the best Dad ever. And I’ll fall in love with him all over again when Baby Dub Dos is born.

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