I don’t know if it is because of how fixated on procreation I am, or maybe how simultaneously fixated on missing our beautiful should-be-seven-month-old, but for whatever reason babies are like, everywhere.
Maybe I notice them more because of how badly I want mine. Or maybe the universe is giving me my baby fix while I wait for Baby Dub Dos. Whatever the case, I feel like I’m being stalked by babies and I cannot escape them.
Babies are a resounding theme in books I read. This is not on purpose, people! I’m not seeking out books about having difficulty conceiving, but the last two novels I’ve read had women in their late 30s unexpectedly getting pregnant after counting themselves out of the baby making game.
I’m not on the prowl for literature about losing a child, yet the authors I’m reading have a propensity for killing off young children with reckless abandon.
I read to escape, yet the books I’m reading do nothing but drive home other aspects of the loss that is always on my mind.
Parenthood is a theme in the movies I watch. It’s not like I’m renting “What to Expect when you’re Expecting”, people. I was surprised when the parent-child dynamic was a prominent plot line in the newest Die Hard movie. I was shocked when the film “Looper” drove home so violently the lengths a mother will go to for her child.
Even the TV shows that I’m watching have babies like, ALL OVER THEM. ‘Modern Family’ brought a new baby to the cast. The rerun of ‘Law and Order’ was about an abandoned baby. I don’t even like ‘The Mindy Project’ but there it is on a Tuesday night with women going into labor like it ain’t no thang.
Enough is enough.
I already have contemplated giving up Facebook. I’ve explored in detail the dangers of perusing the Internet. Music I hear on the radio gets me all choked up and missing our girl. I can’t give up reading, and movie-watching, and TV-watching too.
Or can I? I gave up alcohol and caffeine and soft cheese for the duration of my pregnancy. Maybe I’ll fast from all forms of popular entertainment until we GET pregnant again.
At this point, I’ll basically try anything.