A year ago today, this happened.
A year ago today, we found out we were having a girl, and my whole life changed.
I had this vision in my head about how our family would grow. Before a year ago today, my vision of our family always started with a baby boy. A big bro for any daughters we might have in the future, a little buddy for the Hubs, my little athlete to be a soccer mom for.
And then the words “Little Lady” flashed up on that ultrasound screen, and my vision for our life changed completely. And it didn’t take long for me to be completely sold on a little girl first.
Our little girl – headstrong and willful and a bit of a show-off. Our little girl – beautiful and strong and determined. Our little girl – unable to stay.
February 13 will always stand out, that day we marveled at our strong and beautiful baby on the ultrasound screen, the day we shared the news with our family via colorful cake pops, the day I cried a little bit because I realized that at some point I’d have to deal with a teenage daughter.
And I may still have to deal with a teenage daughter at some point, but it won’t be Hudson. Not in this life.
On Valentine’s Day 2012, I got roses at work from my hubby. The note card read:
Happy Valentine’s to my two ladies.
I’ve kept that card to this day. It made me cry then and it kind of chokes me up now. It was that note that made me realize that have a daughter first was the only way things could be. It was that note that made me realize that seeing my husband become a father was well worth sharing his attention with another girl.
I’ll never forget those days in 2012. February 13 and 14 marked the days that my vision of our family changed. Hudson changed our world on February 13, and she changed our world when she was born, and she changed our world when she died. She is missed every day, in big ways and small, ways that I wouldn’t have suspected and ways that will surprise me years from now.
She is the start of our family and will always be the Big Sis.